The Doldrums
by NeoVenus22
Summary: What happens when Haruka gets bored...and just how big the outer senshi's house is. [complete]


Disclaimer: so not mine, and you should know better.

* * *

"Michiru! I'm bored!"  
  
From the other room, one (1) Kaioh Michiru let out a barely audible sigh, lifted her violin to her shoulder and began to play the opening strains of Sisqo's "Thong Song".  
  
At that point in time, the front door opened and a parade of teenage girls conga-lined into the spacious living room of the Outer Senshi, wearing halter tops and matching thongs of their respective colors.  
  
(For those paying attention to detail --and shame on you for it-- it meant that one (1) Tsukino Usagi was dressed in a pink halter top and thong, one (1) Mizuno Ami was dressed in blue, one (1) Hino Rei was dressed in red, one (1) Kino Makoto was dressed in a very tasteful forest green, one (1) Aino Minako was dressed in a very fitting cheerful orange, and one (1) author was highly annoyed at having to have described that to you.)  
  
Unprovoked, unless you count the minor detail that they were hanging out behind the front door, listening in, the senshi burst into song, having remarkably learned all of the words to the abovementioned "Thong Song", and understood it, despite that it was, in fact, in English, and they were, in fact, Japanese.  
  
The author noted that the previous sentence was extremely long.  
  
The author ignored that particular fact pertaining to that particular sentence.  
  
Haruka, having apparently, for all her many years of senshi training, not heard the three untrained and two semi-trained voices butchering Sisqo's first and only hit, entered the living room wearing a very miniscule g-string that left little to the imagination...and nothing but.  
  
Usagi's jaw dropped.  
  
Rei looked somewhat bored.  
  
Ami was horrified, to say the least. As a matter of fact, the sheer color of her face spoke volumes for how she was feeling, as she was roughly the color of the lobster she'd eaten for lunch that day, which in itself, also indicated just _how_ rich she was.  
  
Minako was embarrassed, but not terribly so, as she had read many many yuri fanfictions about the abovementioned Outer Senshi (a detail she would be sure to never own up to), and had come to expect such behavior.  
  
Makoto's eyes widened slightly, whether in shock or in awe, the other senshi were yet to determine.  
  
Michiru was stifling laughter.  
  
Haruka was torn between embarrassment over her own condition and an unprecedented, unbridled lust directed towards the rather unexpected but wholly welcomed spread of young, nubile, scantily clad females laid out before her.  
  
(As a side note, it should be stated here that at this particular line, many fanboys got nosebleeds.)  
  
However, upon realizing, or rather, re-assessing the situation, Haruka came to once again regain control of her rational brain and note that the 'spread' was in fact the team of senshi that she worked with. It would be one, unprofessional to do anything to them, and two, unethical as well, knowing that she had seen them grow up with her own two widened-slightly-more-than-usual eyes, and they were quite like little sisters to her.  
  
Furthermore, Michiru would be quite pissed.  
  
"I appear to be naked," were the first words spoken by anyone following an uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Brilliant deduction, Sherlock, care to impress us with another?" Rei commented snidely.  
  
"Actually, she's not completely naked," Ami commented in a _very_ soft voice. Despite her lack of projection, it did not go completely unheard.  
  
"Ara, Ami-chan, are you looking?" Minako said, one eyebrow raised suspiciously.  
  
"Eep!" Ami yelped, turning an even darker shade of red and covering her mouth with one hand.  
  
"Speaking of clothing, or lack there of," Michiru coughed slightly to hide her laugh, "why exactly do I have the five Inner Senshi in my living room, wearing the sort of outfits you'd see on the beaches of an MTV dance program, singing horrendously over-played pop songs?"  
  
"Pshaw and pssh," Usagi said. "You were playing the song before we ever sang it, Michiru-san."  
  
"And, pray tell, _how_ do you know this?" Michiru said, effectively raising a singular eyebrow in such a suspicious fashion as to make the Inner Senshi feel extremely nervous and guilty. "Were you eavesdropping?"  
  
"Eep! No!" Usagi, Rei, Minako, and Makoto wisely chorused.  
  
"Hai, we were!" Ami squeaked, then placed the other hand over her mouth.  
  
"A-mi-chaaaaan..!" the same four senshi wailed in unison while Michiru and Haruka smirked.  
  
"Seems like a certain group of senshi need...shall we say...punishing?" Haruka said with a smirk.  
  
Mistress 9's head poked into the living room. "Hai, hai!"  
  
The two Outer Senshi, as well as the five Inner Senshi, gaped at the notoriously dominatrix ex-villain. "I thought we closed that door..." Haruka commented.  
  
"I thought Sailorsaturn destroyed you a few seasons ago," Usagi added.  
  
"Hum. Now that you mention it...she did. Gomen nasai!" With a cheery smile, wave, and crack of her whip, Mistress 9 disappeared. The door remained open.  
  
"Ara, I had a feeling that sort of thing went on," a nosy neighbor commented, peering in through the still-opened doorway at what appeared to be a strictly female-only orgy. The tall, sandy-haired blond, naked for the world to see, had an arm draped suspiciously tightly around the waist of her aqua-haired housemate whilst a crowd of five coordinately-dressed, scantily-clad teenagers semi-circled around them.  
  
"I wasn't aware that a 'welcome to the neighborhood' cake was a self-addressed invitation to peer through our doorway," Haruka commented, with a death glare that only the likes of Heero Yuy could match.  
  
The neighbor, too shaken to even apologize, backed off of the front stoop, pulling the door closed behind her.  
  
"Now, as I was saying," Haruka said with a satisfactory smile, "punishment?"  
  
"I _hope_ you don't mean the kind of punishing that _we_ practice, Haru-chan," Michiru said with a very pointed stare.  
  
Haruka coughed, gaped, then soon got the meaning of Michiru's statement. "Ohhh. No, I don't. We can save _that_ for later," she said with an exaggerated wink.  
  
"As if no one knows what you're talking about," Rei said with a not-very-subtle eye roll.  
  
Haruka glared. "ANYway, I was thinking a punishment fresh from room eighteen?" she suggested.  
  
Michiru squinted thoughtfully, then shook her head. "No, we did that to the mailman last week. How about room twenty-two?"  
  
Rei tilted her head towards Minako. "How many frickin' rooms they got here?"  
  
Minako shrugged, a bit more concerned with her approaching fate than the impressive size of the Casa de Senshi. "'S a big house."  
  
"No shit."  
  
"How about a twenty-two for Usagi, Minako, Rei, and Mako, and a seven for Ami?" Michiru replied, smiling at her fellow blue-haired senshi. "Since she _did_ come clean."  
  
Haruka rolled her eyes. "Figures you'd make hers a water torture..." she grumbled.  
  
Ami yelped, eyebrows raised. "Water torture?"  
  
"Oh, don't worry, it'll be fine," Michiru said, waving the thought aside with her hand.  
  
The water senshi stared at the ocean senshi and swallowed hard. This did not sound promising by any means.  
  
"Um...heh heh..." Minako said, putting on her best 'I'm completely and totally innocent, why would you want to do anything harmful to _me_?' face. "Minna-san...I hate to break up the party, but it's late and I've got things to do, people to see, and tortures to avoid. Ja!" She gave the slightly-confused Outer Senshi a wave before disappearing out the door, leaving a cloud of dust in her wake.  
  
"Huh. Well, that was unexpected," Haruka commented, staring at the door. With a shrug, she turned to face the Inner Senshi, now down to four. "We can still have happy punishing fun with you four," the senshi of the sky said with a growing grin. "Michiru, take Ami down to seven. I'll deal with these three."  
  
Ami gave her stronger, braver senshi friends a fearful wave before disappearing with the senshi of the ocean into one of the many, many corridors in the house.  
  
"Don't look so desolate," Haruka commented, half-walking, half-skipping down an alternate corridor, still clad in nothing but the miniscule g-string. Anyone on either end of the endless hallway would have quite a view of either the approaching or retreating senshi.  
  
"Here we go...torture chamber--er, _room_ twenty-two," Haruka said, stopping in front of a random door and opening it.  
  
"Don't you have a multi-purpose, multi-functional key ring or something?" Rei asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh."  
  
The door creaked open very slowly, and very ominously. The fire senshi, thunder senshi, and the Princess of the Moon Kingdom of the Silver Millennium and Future Queen of Crystal Tokyo that the previously mentioned senshi were destined to protect (phew) came to a standstill in the doorway, frozen with shock.  
  
"No..." Usagi croaked.  
  
"Not that..." Rei echoed.  
  
"Anything but that..." Makoto agreed.  
  
"KONNICHIWA, MINNA!" a chorus of annoyingly high, annoyingly cute voices chirped, and the senshi screamed in fear as multiple Chibi-Usa's, the Future Princess of Crystal Tokyo that the previously mentioned senshi were destined to tolerate and secretly want to kill, rushed forward.  
  
"HARUKAAAAAA!" the three unfortunate senshi wailed as they were attacked by a team of cloned kindergarten students.  
  
"Have fun!" Haruka said with a smirk, shutting the door. She inserted a key into the lock and turned it, ignoring the pounding sounds coming from the other side of the all-purpose large metal door. "Huh. Whaddya know. Guess I _do_ have that multi-purpose, multi-functional key ring, after all."  
  
**FIN **


End file.
